Aussie Bush Humor

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A Drover walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side.

He puts the crocodile up on the bar

turns to the astonished patrons and says.....

"I'll make you a deal.

I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my

manhood inside.

Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute".

"Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit


In return for witnessing this spectacle,

each of you will buy me a drink".

The crowd murmured their approval.

The man stood up on the bar,

dropped his trousers,and placed his Credentials

and related parts in the crocodile's open mouth.

The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.

After a minute,the man grabbed a beer

bottle and smacked the crocodile really,really hard

on the top of its head.

The croc opened his mouth and the man removed his

genitals unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered,and the first of his free

drinks were delivered.The man stood up again

and made another offer....

"I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."

A hush fell over the crowd.

After a while,a hand went up in the back of the bar.

A blonde woman timidly

Spoke up..........

"I'll try it - Just don't

hit me so hard

with the beer bottle!"

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Pete here is one that is popular in the U.S.

Once a blonde went to get her hair cut, but she was wearing headphones.

The stylist said, "You gotta take off your headphones or I cant cut

your hair!"

The blonde said, "No! I can't! I'll just DIE without them!" So the

stylist just sighed, and cut the ends of her hair until she fell asleep,

the stylist said to herself, "I'll just take these off her to cut her

hair. She won't notice." So the stylist did just that.

After about 3 minutes, the blond fell out of the chair, dead. The

stylist said, "I wonder what could have possibly killed her?! Maybe it had

something to do with the headphones?" She took the blonde's headphones

and put them on her own head, just to see what was playing.

The headphones were repeating, "Breath in, Breath out."

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A brunette, red-head and a blonde jumped out a burning skyscraper window, which was the slowest to hit the firemen's net below and why? Why the blonde gal of course, she got lost on her way down and just had to stop to ask for directions. :wacko:

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A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant.

The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that, they don't sell rectum deodorant and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.

'I'm sorry,' says the pharmacist, 'We don't have any.'

'But, I always buy it here,' says the blonde.

'Do you have the container that it came in?' asks the pharmacist.

'Yes,' said the blonde, 'I'll go home and get it.'

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her,

'This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.'

Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container

back and reads out loud from the container ... :angry2:To apply, push up bottom.

:P :P :P :P :P :P

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